10 Tips to Survive a Break-up
Even though change is mandatory, suffering is optional.
(10 ways to gently leave your lover)
Song writer Neil Sedaka
may have said it best, "Down shoubby do, down, down, breaking up is hard
to do." Here are ten tips to help you deal with the turmoil and pain of
ending a relationship. My wish for you is that you never have to use
them.
1. Cry all you want. Let the tears flow, it's healthy you are releasing
grief and pain. You may be afraid to start because you're
fearful you'll never stop, but you will.
2. Do something everyday to help yourself heal. Exercise, read, watch some
self-help TV/DVD's, learn to
meditate
and never underestimate the power of positive prayer. Pick things that
you know will be fun or beneficial and do them. Don't wait for the mood
to come over you, take one action and then take another.
3. Find emotional support. There are numerous groups for the newly single (more for women than for men). If you want
therapy, go to
www.therapistfinder.com to find a licensed
marriage
and family therapist in your area. Just don't try to tough it out or go
it alone, support from others is healing, even if those people never
become close friends.
4. Don't be a doormat. If your
soon-to-be-ex continues to call you or simply won't go away (or move
out) tell them you can't heal with them around and ask them to keep
their distance. If they are harassing or threatening you it is best to
call law enforcement for information and advice.
5. Keep busy.
If you wake up early take a walk, go out to breakfast or do something
around the house. Try a little "retail therapy" (go shopping) or enjoy
the decadence of going to a movie in the middle of the day. Many
businesses allow their staff to take "mental health days" if needed. If
you can't
sleep
do the crossword puzzle, read or watch TV. Don't sit in your room and
ruminate, you have to free your mind so your heart can heal.
6.
Don't try to mask your pain by trying to find a replacement. We all
know the term "rebound relationship" these happen when we
(unconsciously) use another person to fill the gap that's been created
by the ending of a relationship. These transitional connections can feel
healing in the short term, but if you don't process your pain
appropriately you will not be able to be in a fully committed
partnership.
7. Don't spend too much time alone. Hang out with
friends or make new ones, go to coffee with someone you can talk to,
volunteer in your community. You will need time alone, but if you
isolate yourself you won't be able to fully process your feelings or get
the support you need to heal.
8. Trust your feelings. Even if
you were taken by surprise by the breakup, your inner voice is telling
you something. Listen carefully and you will hear that it will all be
OK. You just have to let your feelings guide you.
9. Take your
time. Don't rush out and buy a new car or move to a new home or another
town. Major changes like those are merely a way of avoiding your
feelings. Believe that with a little time, patience and support you will
feel better and find love again.
10. Research. Find out what
others, who have not just survived but thrived after their relationships
ended did to achieve peace of mind. There are some great books on
surviving a breakup, my favorite is "How to Survive the Loss of a Love"
by Peter McWilliams. This little gem will give you insight, exercises
and some sage advice for dealing with this heart wrenching issue.
Trust
that you were not put here to suffer and that your live will not just
be OK, it will be wonderful. Love will come again and next time, if you
have truly processed your feelings, it will be much better. Having to
work through some alone time doesn't need to be totally painful.
Remember that even though change is mandatory, suffering is optional.
If you'd like to follow my daily tweets find me on
Twitter @bartongoldsmith
Or on Facebook as Barton Goldsmith
Thanks for reading
#heartache
